


I really want to kiss you right now

by iwasnthere



Series: different ways to say I love you [1]
Category: Liam Payne (Musician), One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: I missed writing so much, M/M, ended up longer than planned, spur of the moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-19 08:42:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17598011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwasnthere/pseuds/iwasnthere
Summary: Zayn smiles a bit at the softness of his lips. "I love you so much." He wishes he were brave enough to let Liam know of his true feelings, so he can be able to actually feel these lips against his. Too bad he's only this bold when the younger boy is asleep. "I really want to kiss you right now."(Or not quite a goodbye fic, but separation without the angst)





	I really want to kiss you right now

**Author's Note:**

> Belated Happy Valentine's Day!! Hope you all received love in all forms <3
> 
>  
> 
> This is me trying to write again. I hope it's not too bad. Yikes.  
> Love you all x  
> Let me know what you think :)

Liam and Zayn have been attached at the hip ever since their wee little brains could ever get the concept of memories and critical thinking. They went to the same day care center and that was the beginning of everything.

Now, well. Now things were going to be different. Things are changing. They both have their lives ahead of them and this time - this time, it may not be side by side anymore.

And Zayn? Well, Zayn's not taking it very well. Right now, he's pacing around the dining room of his parents' home because exactly thirteen hours and thirty two minutes, his best friend, his rock, the one thing in this world he's trying to keep from any harm, not to mention - _the love of his life_ , is leaving. He's leaving for college. And he doesn't even know that he's all that to Zayn. 

They should be together. Like, right now, they should definitely be together. But instead, Zayn is stalling. He's stalling because he doesn't know what to do. And he's always been one to avoid his problems since he believes in the delusion that if you don't face the problem, then it doesn't exist. But he knows that's far from the truth; whether or not he wants to face this predicament - it will happen. It _is_ happening, thirteen hours and twenty nine minutes from now. Should he go up to him and beg him not to leave? This has been Liam's dream since they were kids. To leave London and make it big in the States. Zayn was with him when he got that acceptance letter from Stanford.

He cried with Liam, tears of joy, of course since he's seen the ultimate delight in his best friend's eyes when he read the letter. But the truth was, Zayn was in a spiral of agony. A whirlwind of constant pain knowing that this means the start of the end of their friendship.

It wasn't because he had little faith in Liam, or their bond. Hell, it's 2019, technology is at its peak. They'll keep in touch for sure. 

But he knows that things will be different. The time difference, the diverging schedules, all the conflicting plans, Zayn _knows_ it won't be the same. And it hurts. That's the thing. It hurts him that he's going to be separated from the one person he would choose in his life over and over again. But it's also unfair of him to ask Liam to stay. This has been his dream and it's - it's not his place to ask that much from Liam. 

Liam has given him so much by simply existing that Zayn knows he will never be able to repay that. Growing up being slightly different from other children has caused him to have a small circle of friends. Liam, on the other hand, had so many people wanting to be his friend, practically begging for his attention, but no, turns out that was already Zayn's even before he asked for it. 

When Zayn realised that he wasn't straight, Liam was the first to know. Zayn remembers the tears he shed without even getting a word out and Liam immediately wrapping his arms around the other boy and telling him, "Zayn, whatever it is, it's not going to be big enough to make me stop being your friend. Nothing will ever stop me from being your best friend."

And when Zayn did tell him, all Liam did was give him the softest smile and wiped his tears. "See? I look at you now, and see nothing less than the best friend I had a second ago. In fact, he's more. I never thought you'd get even more strong and brave, but you continue to amaze me."

Zayn doesn't exactly know when he chose to fall in love with Liam. There wasn't exactly a shift in how he viewed the boy. All he does know is that when he looks at Liam, when he thinks about Liam, he wants to be everything better for him. Everything that he deserves. 

He went from,  _he's my bestest friend, I'd everything for him_ to  _holy shit I'm in love with my best friend, he's everything to me._ And he's terrified of what Liam would do if he found out about that, because losing him physically for a few years is better than to lose him entirely. He -

His phone ringing snaps him out of his thoughts. 

" _What?_ " Zayn snaps into the phone, why can't people leave him alone to just sulk in peace. 

"Where the hell are you? Liam's going to be here in about fifteen minutes and his _best friend_ isn't here yet?" Harry hisses.

Zayn cowers at Harry's tone. He doesn't get frustrated often, but right now he sounds every inch of the word. 

"I don't know what the _hell_ you're playing at, Malik. But Liam's leaving tomorrow and I know he'd be devastated if you weren't here tonight to say goodbye." 

"I'm coming." Zayn says harshly. "I was just - I didn't feel so well." He makes up a lame excuse, Harry doesn't need to know that he was contemplating on just holing himself inside his room and never coming out until Liam's finished his degree and back in Zayn's arms. He grabs his jacket and heads for the door. 

"I'll be there in five." Perks of being neighbours with your best friend. Surprise parties are much easier to execute. He's pretty sure Liam already knows that this party is coming up. He's been texting Zayn to meet up today, spend his last day in London with him, but Zayn kept declining. Mainly because of his avoiding the problem situation, but also because he was part of the planning of the party part. Well - before the party was actually happening. He received a lot of sad faces in reply to his declines, but Zayn knows that Liam's smart enough to know something was up, but kind enough to pretend he doesn't as well.

"Hurry." Harry says from the line. "I know this is hard for you too, but play the role of supportive best friend just for one more night, yeah? We'll stuff ourselves with ice cream and pizza tomorrow. Louis' already got it all planned out."

Zayn smiles a bit as he locks the door and heads off the street. "I bet he'll cry more than me."

"Always one for the dramatics. See you, Zayn. Hurry the fuck up." 

"See you." Zayn hangs up and quickens his pace on to the Payne household. 

\---

"Everyone, hide! They're here!" Niall whisper screams as he crouches down to avoid the windows from where the headlights from the Payne's car is parking.

Zayn crouches down beside Jade behind the couch. She giggles at him and he forces out a smile in return. His heart is pounding against his chest way too loudly and his head feels heavy. 

It's eerily quiet as they hear the handle from the front door shake as the keys are turned and then the lights turn on.

" _Surprise!_ " Everyone screams as they jump out from their hiding places. 

Liam is at the front door looking at everyone with a big smile on his face. "Fuck you all, I said no goodbye parties!"

He looks so beautiful. Zayn thinks. He's in a simple white shirt and jeans with some nikes on, and yet he's still the most beautiful being Zayn ever laid his eyes on. 

"And you!" Liam exclaims, pointing at Zayn as he draws closer. "Turning down all my invitations to hang out just to scheme behind my back, you were supposed to be my best friend!" He pouts.

Zayn chuckles, he hopes it doesn't sound too forced. "Harry would have had my head if I ruined the surprise. And I couldn't lie to you face to face." His voice cracks but he hopes people blame it on amusement rather than heartbreak.

Liam pulls him into a bone-crushing hug. "I know you'd never." 

"Alright! Before it gets too sentimental way too early in the evening, it's time to eat." Louis announces. "I am famished. Come on, Payno." He puts an arm around Liam and pulls him away from Zayn.

Zayn can finally breathe a bit without feeling like he would burst into tears any time he tries to say something. His eyes follow after them as the others walk into the kitchen to grab some food as well. Zayn lingers back for some reason, just looking at the scenes happening in front of him as if staring into space would slow down time, since it's going by way too quick.

"Zaynie?" His mum comes up to his side with a plate of pasta in her hands. "Are you okay, love?"

Zayn grunts. Far from it. "Yeah, I'm just - thinking." He gives her a small smile. "It's a bit bittersweet, tonight is, that's all."

"Oh, I know." Tricia looks at him lovingly. "Separating from someone you love is always difficult. But knowing you and Li, you'll survive this. It's not gonna be distance that'll separate you two, that's for damn sure."

"Absolutely not!" Karen walks up to them, tears already in her eyes. "I will not allow it!"

Zayn wants to run away because if Karen starts crying, his mum will, and then eventually his sisters will, and then he will and - it'll all be too much.

"Now, dear, you promised Liam no tears." Geoff enters the living room with Liam in tow. Doniya, Nicola and Ruth are all sat on the couch stuffing their faces with pizza and pasta while Waliyha and Niall are having a soda drinking contest at the table. Liam, Louis and Harry are on the floor with their plates of food around while some of their other friends are scattered around the living room.

Liam looks up at them when he hears what his Dad says. " _Mum._ " He says, amusedly scolding.

"I'm sorry!" Karen exclaims, wiping her tears. "I can't help it, you're my baby boy and -" She sobs as she covers her face.

Liam immediately gets up from where he was and hurriedly wraps his arms around his mum, shushing her soothingly. "You'll be visiting me in a month, you'll be there for every three, it'll be like I'm around. We'll face time every single day. Nothing's gonna change."

"Yes, Karen. Nothing is allowed to change on my watch." Harry says pointedly, but his eyes are also wet. "Liam, you are not allowed to not call, and if you do, you should render a two day notice."

Jade giggles thickly, "stop getting all emotional, my heart has been heavy since I got in this house!" 

"Alright, everyone's getting a bit emotional now, thanks for that mum." Liam shakes his head amusedly as he sees his sisters tearing up but hiding it through laughter.

Zayn takes a deep breath and puts an arm around Liam's shoulder, "please, this muck always keeps his promises. It'll be like he's with us everyday, but if you come back with an American accent, please don't talk to me anymore."

Liam squawks in protest. "You mean, I can't talk to you if I sound like this when I come back?" He puts on his best American accent.

"Yeah, no." Zayn smirks but squeezes the arm around Liam's shoulder a bit, he can't help it. "Fuck, I'll miss you _so much_." His voice cracks all over and he closes his eyes while shaking his head. Tears are building up before his eyelids but before he can even open his eyes, complains and grumbles from the room are already heard.

"Damn it, Zayn!" 

"We were all counting on you to lighten the mood!"

\---

Once the party had died down, after the emotional goodbyes (Zayn's sisters and parents), way too playful punches to be light-hearted (Louis and Niall), the undecipherable speeches (Jade and Eleanor), the ten-minute goodbye hug (Harry), and the tearful forehead, cheek, temple kisses (also Harry); and Liam's parents and sisters have called it a night because they had an early day tomorrow, well, later, since they were sending Liam to the airport.

It was finally just Liam and Zayn. They were both sat on the couch, heads thrown back against the head rest with their eyes closed. The living room lights were dimmed and soft music was still playing from Liam's speakers.

"Remember when we were younger and I'd get weird looks from other kids when I didn't want to play with them?" Zayn asks.

Liam hums in response.

"I would always remember to look at you whenever I felt like something was wrong with me. And that was almost every time they gave me weird looks." Zayn chuckles. 

"They were idiots. Kids, sure, but idiots nonetheless."

Zayn smiles a bit, not quite opening his eyes yet. "You know why I'd look at you?"

"I was cute."

Zayn cackles. "Shut up. I'm being serious."

He feels Liam shift a bit and and cracks open an eye to see what the other boy was doing. Liam is now turned to him, looking at him expectantly. "Well?"

"With one look, you always made me feel like I belonged." Zayn smiles. "Like, with you, it didn't matter what the other kids thought. If I had you on my side, I was okay."

Liam reaches out to wipe a tear that Zayn didn't realise was falling. "Zayn."

"Since then, I knew that I could face whatever it is life had to offer as long as I had you by my side." Zayn admits. "And now, well, now I'm absolutely terrified of what would happen now that you're leaving."

Liam makes a sound of protest and hugs Zayn. He puts an arm behind the older boy and cuddles him close. "Zayn, nothing's changing. I'll always be here for you. Whenever you need me, I'll come home. Four years will just fly by, I swear."

"I'm scared you'll find someone better than me" Zayn chuckles wetly. "It's selfish. Sorry, you deserve to meet amazing people."

Liam giggles, "Zayn Malik, you don't understand. No one will ever be as amazing as you." 

"Promise?"

"I promise." Liam says wetly. "Great, I was doing fine without crying and now you've gone and ruined it for me."

"I love you, Li" Zayn says helplessly. "So much."

Liam grins at him, continually wiping Zayn's tears. "Love you too, Zayn." 

Zayn just stares at him for a long time. He wants to tell Liam how he feels, really. But it doesn't feel like the right time. So he admits to him in words that don't exactly say what he feels but it remains true regardless. "You know damn well I would go nuts without you in my life."

Liam kisses his forehead and stays there for a few moments. "It's a good thing I'm not leaving your life, then."

Zayn wraps his arms around Liam tightly. "I'm so proud of you, you know."

"I know." Liam nods. "This isn't a goodbye. You have to visit me next month."

"And the month after that?"

"And the month after that." Liam confirms.

Zayn sighs. "Okay then. I'll see you." 

Liam smiles, "sleeping over?"

"Well, it wouldn't be the last time."

Liam rolls his eyes and gets up from the couch. "Come on."

\---

As the evening fades into the dawn, Zayn finds himself staring and Liam's sleeping figure. Sure they established that this wasn't going to be a goodbye, but he's going to miss Liam being within an arm's reach.

He runs his fingers through Liam's hair, to his forehead, to his cute nose, his cheeks and finally his lips.

Zayn smiles a bit at the softness of his lips. "I love you so much." He wishes he were brave enough to let Liam know of his true feelings, so he can be able to actually feel these lips against his. Too bad he's only this bold when the younger boy is asleep. "I really want to kiss you right now."

And with that he pulls his hand away and closes his eyes. He knows that a time will come that he'll be able to brave his fears and finally tell Liam that -

His thoughts are cut off when a pair of lips touch his. Soft, quick, but breathtaking still. He opens his eyes to see if he imagined things but he sees his best friend grinning at him. "Took you long enough."

Zayn lets out a breath and smiles in utter relief. "Well, get back here then, big shot, I have to wait a month until I get to kiss you again, might as well leave me with something to remember than just a simple peck -"

He's cut off with the love of his life's lips. They've got a lot to talk about, but he's no longer worried, he has Liam on his side, he knows they'll be okay. 


End file.
